Book 1

So I guess I have to talk about the Iliad though I'd rather just talk about me, cause I am way more important than some silly Greeks.  Well it starts nine years into the war between the Greeks (Achean) and the Trojans.  The war started because Paris, a Trojan prince, decided to like steal the hot babe Helen. Helen was the wife of Menelaous, a Greek who was like the King of Sparta or something. So nine years after this this all happened, the so-called epic starts with a poet asking a muse to tell the story of the war and the "greatest Greek hero", Achilles. The Acheans start by attacking like an allied town of the Trojans.  While there, I guess they captured two women by the names of Chrseis and Briseis-lame names, I know. Agamemnon, a supposedly great Greek commander, took Chryseis as his own concubine thingy while Achilles took Briseis. Now I thought Briseis was a pretty hot girl so I understand totally why Achilles took her.  Well then this greatly upset the Trojans and like ginormous ransom, Agamemnon said no which was a dumb move on his part in my opinion.  Chryses loved his daughter a ton so he prayed to Apollo, I think, to send a nasty plague on the Greeks.  After ten days, Achilles finally sent for a seer (soothsayer even though that word sounds totally made up) to tell them why they were like suffering.  Calchas the came up and told the Greeks that the plague was sent on them as revenge by Apollo and the Trojans.  Well of course pissed off Agamemnon and he told Chryses that he would return his daughter Chryseis only if Achilles would give him Briseis.
Well I would be upset if I was Achilles and of course he was, so in his angery mood over the women, he threatened to take his troops back home and not help the Achaians with the war. Agamemnon argued back that if Achilles did not give him Briseis, he will go steal her from Achilles' tent, which is totally rude. After the queen of the gods, Hera, sent Athena, goddess of war, to calm the men down, Agamemnon sents Chryseis home to her farther.  Confusing right? Well it gets better.  Having done this he then claimed Briseis for his own, which is like breaking the bro-code. After Achilles realized this, he prayed to his mother Thetis, a sea nymph, to ask Zeus, the king of the gods and who I like to call the big Z cause he is like so important, to punish the Greeks. Thetis promised to pray to the big Z after he returned from some fance a-class feast with the Aethiopians.
This is when Odysseus entered the story by accompanying Chryseis on the ship back to her home.  And may I remind you that Odysseus has his own story but of course he has to be a big shot and be in two epics...anywho, after Chryseis was reunited with her father, Odysseus prayed and made a few sacrifices (ewww) to Apollo.  Thisa pleased Chryses so much that he decided to pray to Apollo to stop the plague. Though this had really helped the Greeks, Achilles was still not gonna help them because of his ex-friend Aggie. He and his troops refused to help the Greeks and were waiting for some weird sign from Zeus. When the big Z finally returned from feasting, he listened to Thetis' story and decided to basically grant Achilles' wish. But like even though the big Z is a neutral god, his wife Hera is a huge fan of the Greeks, so he basically only helps the Trojans cause he doesn't want to get his lady mad. When I heard of this I was like very confused, but then I understood because the Trojans were then ahead in the war, and this would make the Greeks beg for Achilles to help them.  Seems a little backward to me but I am not like the god of wisdom, so I totally don't need to be bothered with the war.  Anyway, this caused a conflict with Hera and she demanded a war between the gods. She got totally mad and was acting like it was her time of the month, but her son Hepaestus cooled her down enough to not start a fight.

http://thetrojantumult.weebly.com/geography.html