So Zeus is totally stoked at the way his little war among
the mortals is going. Personally I think it’s a huge bore…YAWN. Apparently
after the big Z took off today, Poseidon went and visited the Aiases, both of
them! Talk about plotting against your fam when their back is turned. I know
they aren’t huge fans of each other but seriously! I mean they are brothers.
Anyway, Poseidon gives a big ego boost to the boys so they can get psyched
about going against the Trojans, actually he lights a fire under all the
Achaeans butts. The Aias boys actually got so pumped up the sent Hector running
for the hills! The real bummer is that Hector got so miffed about being a wuss
that he chucked his lance thingie at someone or other, the target dude dodges,
and the lance thingie actually nails and kills Poseidon’s grandspawn
Amphimachus. Obviously this ticks of uncle P to no end and he works his magic
and gives some totally bad ass super powers to Idomeneus and a bunch of them
start raging after the Trojans. Honestly cold this battle nonsense get any more
tiring?! For some reason Idomeneus decides to put a hit on Deiphobus and calls
him out for a one on one, there’s a ton more fighting, Deiphobus gets hurt and
a bunch of the Trojans take a trip to the underworld…definitely not how they
wanted to end their day. Hector keeps on raging against the other guys but the
rest of the Trojans are start to get sick of this…kinda like I am. What
happened to the love, seriously. Any way most of the Trojan boys scamper back
to their forts because they are tired. Just when I think they are done for the
day some jerk named Polydamas gets Hector to rally his troops and start
again…sheesh. Hector runs and grabs Paris, I’ve got that boy wrapped around my
little finger let me tell you, and then finds out that everyone is wounded or
dead. Maybe if you boys would stop your war games we wouldn’t have this
problem. Any way dudes start calling each other names and Big Aias sees an
eagle appear to him and takes it as some great omen…dude sometimes a bird is
just a bird. I will never understand humans.
Yet another day of war and little boys playing with sharp
sticks. Only difference is that Hera, that evil, vindictive, (explicative deleted) decided to get her
sneaky little fingers involved. Let me tell you how it all went down. Nestor
and the Achaean commandos are finally realizing the massive damage done to
their little army. Agamemnon suggest they throw in the towel and head home,
smart idea to me, and the rest of the testosterone ridden boys gang up on him
and call him a scardy cat. Odysseus and Diomedes get everyone together and
Poseidon gives some more magical strength to the army. While all this is
happening Hera starts her scheming. She found out Zeus was hanging out on Mount
Ida the alone time thing he does. First that tramp cons me out of my magical
love inducing bra, and then she cons Sleep to turn Zeus narcoleptic by saying
she will give him one of her daughters. I didn’t think selling offspring into
marriage was legal anymore. Ewww. Any way Zeus sees her in the magic panties,
gets all hot and bothered, Sleep pretends to be a bird and knocks him out. Low
and behold nothing to manage the Trojans anymore. She lets Poseidon know what
she did so that he can help out his boys the Achaeans. There is some drama with
Big Aias throwing a huge rock at Hector and that knocks him out. Let me end
this here for you…Achaeans win, Trojans loose and run home to mommy.
Guess who finally woke up from his magic underwear coma?
Zeus is pissed at Hera, and get this she actually tried to throw Poseidon under
the bus for the whole thing! Any way Zeus let her know in no uncertain terms
that he doesn’t care who wins, he’s just helping ‘cuse he gets a kick out of
it. Apparently it’s totes fated that Troy is gonna fall and Hector is gonna
die, talk about spoilers. Any way he made Hera send Iris to kick Poseidon off
the battlefield and then sends Apollo to Hector and his boys to give them some
motivation and strength. I’m thinking it was more than just a few bottles of
Gatoraid. Hector then goes full on Hulk and charges the Achaeans, who fight
super hard at first but then run away like mice when Apollo joins the fight.
Apollo helps the Trojans beat down the ramparts, is that cheating? So the
fighting gets really bad and Big Aias and Hector go at it like cats again.
Teucher is about to shish-ka-bob Hector with an arrow when Zeus decides to snap
his bowstring, because Hector isn’t supposed to die yet apparently. I will
never understand why we meddle with them, I say just let them fight each other
and watch it from the safety of Mount Olympus.
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