Well during today’s drama Hector stood outside the Trojan
gates like a baby refusing to come in. After Achilles gets done chasing Apollo
around the field Hector stands up to him, he tries to bargain with him, but
then gets scared and he runs off. Hector laps the city three times with
Achilles chasing him like the rabbit at the dog track. Zeus was apparently
thinking about saving Hector…again, but Athena said that the kid’s time has
come, and after messing around with his fate scales he agrees. Athena disguises
herself and cons Hector into turning and fighting, which the idiot does. There
are a few missed punches Hector turns around realizes that his comrade has
disappeared and the gods have messed with him again. In the craziest thing I
have ever seen he charges Achilles, who knows the weak spot in the armor and
shoves a spear right through him. In his last moments Hector begs Achilles to
send his body back to the Trojans, but Achilles leaves the body to the dogs and
birds…classy. So the Achaeans stab the body and drag it behind some horses and
do generally horrible things to it while his mom and wife watch from the castle
and breakdown. Who would blame them?
Achilles has a really weird way of mourning Patroclus, I
mean like he as finally started eating food but the dude hasn’t bathed in days.
You can smell him all the way to Mount Olympus! Patroclus’s soul makes an
appearance and let Achilles know that he needs his funeral soon so he can go to
the underworld. So of course the next day they have the biggest funeral this
side of the river Styx! Complete with the sacrificing of 12 Trojan prisoners,
then they light all of it on fire. After the funeral Achilles decides to hold a
bunch of sports and games to honor the fallen hero, the usual wrestling,
archery, chariot racing, and of course there are many fabulous prizes. Diomedes
cheats and wins the chariot race with the help from Athena, and Achilles
considers taking away the 2nd place winners prize and give it to the
guy who lost because he was cheated out of his win. I will never understand
this sports nonsense. After they all start fighting and yelling at each other
about who cheated and who should get the big gold stick the all eventually make
up.
And the mourning continues. Apparently Achilles
is still super upset and the only thing that makes him feel better is violating
and stepping on Hector’s dead body, that is just gross. Apollo has decided to
protect Hector’s body from getting rotten and gooey which makes the whole
situation way weirder. Finally after almost two weeks of this disturbing
display Apollo convinces Zeus that Achilles needs to ransom Hector’s body
before he starts doing even weirder stuff to it. So Zeus sends Thetis to talk
to Achilles and sends Iris to Priam to tell him how to make the deal. Hecuba is
terrified that Achilles is gonna kill her husband too so Zeus sends an
eagle…what is with the birds people!? Priam sets out in a chariot full to
busting with money and treasure and is guided to Achilles tent by Hermes, who
sticks around long enough to say hi and then leaves. Priam totally begs on
hands and knees for Achilles go give him Hector’s body. Achilles gets all
nostalgic about his own dad and decides to take the gold and give up Hector’s
body. It gets late so Priam decides to sleep in Achilles tent, but in the
middle of the night Hermes pops back in to let him know he is a moron and
shouldn’t be sleeping with the enemy. So Priam wakes his driver and they grab
the body and sneak out of camp. Every woman in Troy wails with grief when
Hector’s body comes home. After dragging out the funeral prep for nine days the
Trojans finally put Hector on the pyre and light it up. I’m hoping this is like all
over soon cause I really need my beauty sleep and this war was just dragging on and on...
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