So Thetis came down with the new armor for Achilles new tin
suit today! Totally fabulous! Then she said she would hang out with Patroclus’s
body and make sure it didn’t get all nasty and slimy while the boys go into
battle. Agamemnon and Achilles make up and decide to go into battle together.
Achilles is totally ready for this fight right now but Odysseus talks him into
letting everyone have breakfast first. Achilles decides that the men can eat
but he won’t until he’s killed Hector. So while everyone is sulking and trying
to eat Zeus takes pity on the whole scene and sends Hera to magically feed
Achilles some ambrosia so he’s not starving. Achilles then straps on the armor
and hops in his chariot, he honestly yells at his horses for leaving Patroclus
to die, I’m convinced he’s lost his mind. The thing is he knows he’s riding to
his death but he still goes…totally nuts!
Zeus had a big pow wow today on Mount Olympus. He totes
thinks that if Achilles storms the battle field that he can slaughter the
Trojans and probably crush the city before fate says it should fall. So because
of all this, and because Zeus likes his prophecies, she decides to let the gods
intervene all over the place and every one of them flies from Mount Olympus and
camps out on earth. Once they get there they decide they don’t want to get
their hands dirty and just take seats on opposite sides to watch the bloodiest version
of the Super Bowl ever. Apollo gives Aeneas a pep talk and cons him into
challenging Achilles. The two meet on the field and start sniping at each other
like teen age girls, just as Achilles is about to stab him Poseidon bum rushes
the field and transports Aeneas somewhere safe. Lame! Hector then runs to the
front line, but Apollo convinces him to hang back with the other boys and wait
for Achilles, there is a lot of convincing going on around here, and the gods
said they were only gonna watch. Although when Hector sees how Achilles is
slaughtering the Trojans he loses it and attacks causing Apollo to save him yet
again.
Achilles decided to divide and conquer today, chased half
the Trojans to the river and started swinging. He totally slaughters Lycaon,
and then kills Asteropaeus too when he makes a stand. Achilles has no plans for
letting any Trojan live today. He murders so many of them that you could walk
across the river on the bodies, this really ticks off the river god. He asks Achilles
to quit throwing bodies in the river but to keep on killing ‘em, cuse hey
that’s ok. Now the river, not to be confused with the river god, is on the
Trojans side and yells for Apollo to help, this ticks of Achilles who then
tries to kill the river. Honestly what is this guy on?! The river rises up and
tries to drown Achilles and sends him waaaaay down the river, the gods save him
though so it’s all good. Hera sends Hephaestus down to punish the river and he
sets it on fire until it cries uncle.
Now a spat breaks out between all the gods, they argue over who is
better and who should win. Athena beats down Ares and me which is like so rude, Poseidon
challenges Apollo who absolutely refuses to get involved. Artemis calls Apollo
some nasty names so Hera pulls her hair and smacks her around. While all this
rumpus is going on Priam opens the gets of Troy so the fleeing troops can run
in, but Achilles runs after them and almost takes the whole city. Agenor
challenges Achilles to a fight man to man. Achilles of course says yes and the
fight starts even though it’s not Agenor, but Apollo in disguise and this stall
gives the Trojans time to scurry into the city like rats. Honestly will this
war ever end?
No comments:
Post a Comment