So Patroclus got all whiney with Achilles again today.
Apparently Achilles finally had enough and decided to swap armor with Patroclus
and let him take the Myrmidon boys out to fight since he decided to stay out of
the fight and lounge in his tent. Achilles even prayed to Zeus to make sure
Patroclus comes back to camp safe and sound with the ships, but of course with
Zeus’ twisted sense of humor he said that only one of those things will happen.
After Patroclus runs onto the battlefield the Trojans start to back off from
the ships because obviously they think its Achilles. A bunch of the Trojans get
trapped in the trenches and the slaughter begins. Zeus wants to save his kid
Sarpedon but Hera told him he can’t
because that would just tick the other gods off. Zeus lets the kid die
and watches as all the boys fight over his armor, poor kid. Hector even comes
back for a hot minute to try to get the armor. So now Zeus is pissed because
Sarpedon bit the dust so he decides to wreak a little vengeance on Patroclus.
First he trick Hector into thinking he’s scared so he will retreat. Next
Patroclus, bull headed boy he is, chases after them even though Achilles told
him not to, and chases him all the way to the gates of Troy. But low and behold
Apollo swoops in again and saves the day pushing him back from the gate. Apollo
then gets Hector to charge Patroclus and poor dudes chariot driver ends up
getting killed. Then everyone starts to fight over his armor. While all this is
going on Apollo gets all snakey and sneaks behind Patroclus and stabs him so
that it’s easier for Hector to finish him off. While he’s dying Patroclus
predicts Hector’s death. Spooooooky….
Apparently the boys decided to spend the day fighting over
Patroclus body and his stuff. Talk about no respect for the dead. Eventually
Big Aias kicks some butt and makes sure that no one does nasty things to the
body, however the armor is already gone and Hector is putting it on. To make it
worse they all start discussing trading Patroclus’ body for Sarpedon’s and then
Hector offers an obscene amount of prizes and money for anyone who drags
Patroclus’s body away. Zeus developed a
soft spot for Hector because he knows the dude is gonna bite the dust and
sneaks him some great power for a little bit. Aias and Menelaus rally their
boys and chase the Trojans back to the wall just in time for Aeneas to rally
his boys and run back to the fight. There were a lot of chariots running with
Zeus powered horses, spear throwing and more armor stripping, honestly boys
just buy your own armor. Athena swoops down dressed like a Phoenix and props up
Menelaus while Apollo helps back up Hector. Menelaus sends for Achilles, who
has no clue that Patroclus is dead. Zeus starts pushing people around so the
Trojan’s can have their win but holds off long enough so the Meriones can take
away Patroclus’s body.
Poor Achilles, he finally found out that Patroclus is dead.
Totally lost his mind, honestly the threw himself around, screamed, and covered
himself with dirt kind of lost his mind. It was so bad that his mom Thetis and
her nymph sisters came out of the ocean to find out what the heck was going on.
He rants and raves to his mom for a while about avenging Patroclus death, and
during all this Thetis promises that she will get Hephaestus to make him new
armor as long as he holds off on the vengeance for one day. After Thetis leaves
Hera sends Iris to tell Achilles he needs to make an appearance on the battle
field, I smell a rat. Apparently she thinks this will put the fear of god, or
gods, in the Trojans and stop the fight over Patroclus’s body. So of course
Achilles leaves the tent, screams his head off, and the Trojans run off like
scared little girls. That night there is a lot of strategizing for the next
day’s attack. The Trojans and Hector decide to repeat the day before’s plan of
attack because they are idiots. The Achaean’s have a wake and start preparing
Patroclus’s body for the funeral but they promise not to bury him until
Achilles has killed Hector.
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